I know nothing about boats but I learn fast and never forget.
I’m willing to do the jobs no one else wants.
My kids are grown, I’m divorced, retired at 35. I’m not quite forty yet.
I need to get away and I need to work impossibly hard like I’m used. I need to get away from the gun in my safe calling me.
I’ll work myself to death at any shipping job.
There’s got to be a captain looking for a newbie like that.
Talk to somebody about how you feel. A real person, not some randos on the internet. A person who is maybe qualified to give good advice. Sell the gun as well. The diversion with hard work at sea may sound like a solid plan right now. But it may not address the root causes for how you feel. And the feeling may not be improved while being tossed around by 100ft waves in the Indian Ocean or something in a year or two.
You’ll need to take your basic seamanship training to work on a commercial vessel, that will be a good start
Not the best solution to your problem, first off.
Since you have funds, take some proper sailing lessons and find some boat delivery jobs. It will be funner, more like contract work (a few weeks at a time), challenging and you can learn to sail! Eventually, you can build skills that let you live the sea gypsy life, a mere dream for most.
